Nothing on the surface changed. I did.
I am sitting on the sill of the window, gazing out. The trees outside glow in the afternoon light, their leaves ruffling silently. Every so often a stronger breeze makes the treetops sway. It is getting dark. The sunset sky is fading from pink to deep orange to grey. Another day done. I feel so grateful for all that I have.
This is how I have been concluding my days lately. A gentle walk, sitting by the water or deliberately sipping a cup of tea. Reflecting on the day’s events, on how everything that is coming to me is doing so exactly as it should. Knowing that I have absolutely everything and anything I need, right here, in this place, as I am, now.
Enough was never a number. It was a feeling I had to learn to stay in.
Success comes but I don’t chase it. Money flows but I don’t hunger for it. My work is to express my creativity generously but my work is not a job. I learn, I appreciate, I grow. I make an effort to be kind, and I appreciate with awe how things I once thought so harmful to me have been the things that have led me to where I am.
I like this way of thinking, because I know what it’s like to think otherwise. To feel as if nothing is working. The funny thing is, during both times, everything I’ve had on the surface – work, money, housing – has been exactly the same.
The difference is my shift in perception, the way I am choosing to see the world around me and to interpret the belief about what I want it all to mean. In Carlos Castaneda’s books, the sorcerer and spiritual guide don Juan Matus teaches that ‘the trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.’
I agree. I think abundance is a state of mind. It is a condition of seeing opportunity over lack. For me, it’s a feeling that no matter who and where I am, or what I have around me, I am enough. It’s when I choose to focus on what is going right instead of what is going wrong, and it has taken me continual conscious effort to arrive here.
Through all my years of searching for answers, I’ve learnt how our brains are wired for survival. That back when we were cave men and women it was necessary almost every moment of the day, to focus on things that could kill or endanger us. It’s the reason why, as a species, we survived.
But today, when we have clothes and smart phones and an endless supply of consumable goods, it wreaks havoc with us. When I’m about to walk into a crowded shopping mall, my brain might only be doing what it is designed to do to help me survive, but it disproportionately draws me towards every little detail as though it’s a threat – Why is that person looking at me? What was that noise? Do I look nice enough to go into this shop? What will others think of me if I buy this?
If I don’t keep check on what thoughts I am choosing to let formulate and be focused on, I am at risk of seeing danger everywhere. Apparently, this is called negativity bias and when I’m in an unfamiliar setting, am anxious or trying something new, my brain is a master at it.
I home in on anything that makes me too different, anything that makes me either too far above or too far below others or might otherwise create a threat to my survival in the group. It happens to me in person, on social media, watching tv or even looking in a magazine.
I don’t think I’m alone in this. Humans are social species. We evolved to work together, to be included over being ousted. So, suddenly, not having a sleek-looking car, killer job title or a million-dollar property on the beach is an existential crisis. I need those things, don’t I, in order to survive?
Except I don’t. Because success is not the same as survival. Success is great to aim for, accumulating stuff can be nice and being able to live more comfortably would be lovely. But what is even greater, is being grateful for what I already have and for the time I get to spend in this wildly amazing thing called life.
What I have noticed over the past few years, is that when I take the time to shift the way I look at the world around me, things start radiating back in more positive and helpful ways. What I do is to try focus more on gratitude than wishful thinking. I make an effort to appreciate the things I already have. I also visualise the things I don’t yet have, and I try to feel gratitude for them too, as though they are already here. Doing this makes me look at the world around me in a better light, which tends to help me notice more good things, which makes me feel more grateful and so on …
I wonder if you’ve noticed this too. The way your thoughts are constantly creating a feedback system regardless of whether anything on the surface actually changes. Are you creating a positive loop or a negative loop by the thoughts you are choosing to think?
I write from lived experience, not as a clinician or expert. What I share is what I’ve noticed and what has helped me, not advice for everyone. [Why I write this way]
Read next:
When Things Begin to Happen, They Often Happen Fast | How Do You Step into the Person You Are Becoming?